lilian_cho ([info]lilian_cho) wrote,
@ 2007-12-10 14:50:00
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Entry tags:.♥draco, .♥scorpius, :♥albus severus, :♥slytherins, chinese, fanfiction, list_fic, one-shot, poll, s.s.m.

"Twenty Things about Albus Severus Potter" (PG-13)
This is 23% 15% longer than Scorpius'. (Started out being 37% longer, then 23%). Also the voice and style changed. Can't help it, haha.
[info]rea_saint said it was as if I was saying "This is *MY* Albus and this is who he is!" He might be right =P
But nahh, I still love Scorpius more.

Will be expanded into a fic later, starting from the boys' fifth year. (If anyone’s interested to co-write or write about the boys' earlier years, drop me a line!) Please point out any mistakes.



"Twenty Things about Albus Severus Potter" by [info]lilian_cho

Author’s notes: Companion fic to “Twenty Things about Scorpius Severus Malfoy.”
Quasi-related to “People Like Us” (Draco Gen, PG-13).
Please fill out my Scorpius fanon poll.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: AS/S pre-slash.
Length: 1480 1378 words
Beta: [info]gelsey
Nitpickers: The nice people over at [info]hp_britglish
ETA 12/13/07: Changed the sentence structure of: They were sixteen-year-old boys, but Score’s eyes had never strayed once to a girl’s curves. (Or a boy’s arse.) following the results of the readers' poll.
Archives: Please ask permission first.
Fanfic disclaimer: The nicknames "Score" and "Al" were totally lifted from [info]sarahtales. Other than that, their personalities are different :-) Next!
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by J.K. Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books, Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made, and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.


:1: Albus’ mother didn’t like his middle name. She wanted to name him after her brother, but his father was adamant.
Albus was born with a tuft of dark hair and bright green eyes that turned blue-green as he grew older. His father grinned at this turnabout. “Now people won’t tell him over and over that he has my eyes.”

:2: For his fourth birthday, his grandmother gave him a stuffed lion. Delighted, Albus pulled it around by its tail and called it Snakey. His father suspected then that he might not end up in Gryffindor.
When James pulled off Snakey’s tail, Albus broke the wings off of James’ toy snitch in retaliation. His mother quickly cast Reparo on both toys, but Albus would not forgive his brother for weeks.

:3: When Albus was seven, he became jealous of all the extra attention showered on Lily. He quickly determined that Lily always got more presents because she was a girl. On Christmas morning, he woke up, tied ribbons in his hair, and put on a red dress.
His parents’ stunned reaction was eclipsed by Lily’s terrible tantrum—she had wanted to wear her favorite dress for Christmas.

:4: Seconds after being sorted into Slytherin, Albus offered his hand to Scorpius. Here was a boy who would not make fun of his cumbersome name. When he gave his friend a nickname, Score shyly returned the favor by calling him Al.
Somehow this started a trend among the Slytherins in their year. The teachers, bewildered, watched as students called one another diminutives like “Jo,” “Em,” “Rue” and “Zin.”

:5: By Christmas holidays, the Slytherins were back to using their proper names. To Al, though, Scorpius would always be “Score.” He started signing his letters home with “Love, Al”—the last “L” a happy loop with its tail pointing upward.

:6: He wrote about Score copiously but never mentioned him by name. He had not forgotten Uncle Ron’s warning to Rose when he saw Score and his father.

Near the end of the school year, his parents asked if he would like to invite his best friend over. Al wrote back delicately saying that Score was going on a family trip to China. He did not mention that the trip was only a month long. What if Score said no?

:7: Score always shared his grandmother’s sweets with Al, and, when he was feeling generous, with their year mates. However, he always guarded his letters jealously, even from Al.

Al started wondering if maybe—maybe Score had a girlfriend. That girly writing on the envelope couldn’t have been Score’s dad. And Score’s mother never wrote. When Al morosely mentioned his speculation to their dorm mates, they started treating Score differently. As if Score was suddenly submerged in the illusive light of adulthood.

:8: One day Al accidentally on purpose glanced at Score’s latest letter. At the top, he saw two repeated characters that might be Chinese or Japanese. He frantically memorized the symbol and tried to duplicate it on his napkin.
Maybe Score met his girlfriend on his trip to China. Score had thrummed with too much excitement over a mere family trip.

:9: The next time he saw Aunt Hermione, he mentioned that he was interested in learning Mandarin, but couldn’t find anything at the Hogwarts library. A few days later, Aunt Hermione sent him a set of Learn Conversational Chinese in 90 Days!
In just under two hours, Al found out what those characters meant. Older brother. Now why would Score’s sister be writing him in Mandarin, and, more importantly, why did Score feel he needed to hide this fact from Al?

:10: The next time Score’s mother visited him at Hogwarts, Al quickly invited himself along. Al said that he wanted to see what exotic presents and strange stories she brought this time. His friend looked at him suspiciously but let him tag along.

:11: Score’s mother was the first short-haired woman that Al ever met. Al’s Dad had hair longer than that. The haircut suited her elfin face though, and she smiled fondly when Al awkwardly introduced himself. Score was less concerned about niceties and immediately asked how “Jade” was.
Throughout tea, Al put together that Jade, Score’s little sister, lived in China with their mother.

:12: Al observed that Score was rather…obsessed about his sister. It was nothing like James’ grand posturing when it came to Lily. It was as if Jade were a secret that would float away if too many people knew about her.

That year, Al buttered up his parents so that he could invite not one, but two Malfoys for the holidays.

:13: Jade was everything and nothing like Al expected. Save for their identical amber eyes, Score and Jade could have been strangers. Their mannerism and turn of phrases, however, were uncannily similar.

:14: Al was secretly relieved when Jade was not sorted into Slytherin. At least this way Score wouldn't be glued to her side 24/7. This good news even beat the fact that he and Score were made Prefects.

:15: He hated Lily. At least Rose was not angling for a kiss when she wandered under that twice cursed mistletoe. And stupid James acted like Score was the one who kissed their little sister.

Al wanted to believe that Score was as shocked as he was, but he honestly didn’t know how his best friend felt about Rose or Lily. Or any girl, for that matter.
They were sixteen-year-old boys, but Score’s eyes had never strayed once to a girl’s curves. (Or a boy’s arse.)

:16: Al decided that Score was socially inept because he grew up in such an unconventional home. Score probably would not let go of his sister complex until she was safely married and no longer a Malfoy.

He could wait for six years. In the meantime, he could only hope that no girl caught Score’s eye.

:17: The tingling warmth of Score’s body pressing against his during their side-along Apparition was Al’s best seventeenth birthday present. Al and Score giggled and shoved drunkenly at each other as they chose a tattoo design in a dingy tattoo parlor on the smelly side of Chinatown.
When they finally came home at 3 a.m., Mum grounded him for the rest of the summer. He was not the least bit upset because…one whole night in Score’s company.

A few hours later, James came in, demanding they spill about their adventure. Al locked his bedroom door and nodded at Score. After a moment’s hesitation, Score unbuttoned his shirt to reveal the pair of gleaming snakes. White and green, wrapped around each other forever.

:18: Score didn’t come and rescue Al after he got his Apparition license. He wrote Al saying he had inadvertently reminded his father of a certain snake and skull tattoo. Feeling horrible, Al wrote an awkward, polite letter to Score’s parents, apologizing for dragging Score into trouble.

Mr Malfoy’s reply was nothing like he expected. “I must confess, at seventeen I had committed much stupider mistakes—actions that ultimately cost people their lives.”
The last line of the letter read, “I hope you and my son will remain devoted friends for a very, very long time.”

:19: Al nodded and smiled and pretended to be excited while Score animatedly went on about the Head Boy position and what an honor it was. Inside, he was cringing because his cousin was Head Girl.

Al was now positive that Score didn’t like Lily that way, but Rose was an entirely different story. Score admired Rose, and Jade liked her. Even Mr Malfoy thought she was “a decent, intelligent young woman.”

:20: He couldn’t help but eavesdrop when Jade confronted Score at dinner. She apparently thought that Score should spend more time with Al, a sentiment which he wholeheartedly approved. He was shocked when Score snapped at his sister. (Score never raised his voice when dealing with his sister. Ever.)

“We see each other in classes and at meals all the time! What more does he want? Share my room?”

He grinned and silently thanked Jade. He would take Score up on his word. After all, the Head Boy suite had a perfectly nice double bed.



Do you like the Scorpius one better? Or this one better? Why?
(You may cast your vote here). Thank you! :-D

(X-posted at IJ, [info]the_ass_ship here and [info]post_dh_fic here)

RP LJs: Score Malfoy, Al Potter and Jade Malfoy






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[info]gelsey
2007-12-10 11:26 pm UTC (link)
On Christmas morning, he woke up, tied ribbons in his hair, and put on a red dress. This is a matter of debate, but my most recent teacher says that you don't need a comma before the last in a series if it's only three items long, but you do if it's more than that.

The teachers, bewildered, watched as students call one another diminutives like “Jo,” “Em,” “Rue” and “Zin.” called, I think. And likewise to above, you probably need a comma after "Rue"

By Christmas holidays, the Slytherins were back to using their proper names. By the Christmas holidays

Score did thrum with too much excitement over a mere family trip. Your tenses are off here--you slipped into present. Had thrummed would be better.

He always guarded his letters jealously though, even from Al. comma before though, I think.

It was as if Jade was a secret that would float away if too many people knew about her. ... if Jade were a secret ... (past subjunctive rule, can link you if you want, though I'm looking at it in one of my books as well)

Score confided that they usually get the house-elves to take care of her hair. I'm not sure house elves should be hyphenated. But, I'm too lazy to check the Lexicon, though I"m sure you could find it both ways on there.

if she was in Slytherin, Score would be by her side 24/7. if she were (the subjunctive thing again)

They’re sixteen-year-old boys, but Score’s eyes never strayed once to a girl’s curves. (Or a boy’s arse.) They were just sounds better to me. They're sounds too much like They are, which would be slipping tenses again.

A few hours later, James came in demanding they spill about their adventure. came in, demanding (I think a comma should go there ...)

Over all, very good and very amusing. I like it.

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[info]lilian_cho
2007-12-10 11:40 pm UTC (link)
Fixed! Thank you so much! =D

Will ask about the comma thing at [info]hp_britglish.

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[info]fleurdeliser
2007-12-12 02:34 am UTC (link)
I am still a huge fan of the serial comma. I mean, it can be pretty necessary. My "Advance English Grammars" professor in college put it like this, "My favorite foods are pizza, ice cream and kim chee." If you don't have the serial comma there, it sounds like you like to eat ice cream and kim chee together and that would be utterly vile.

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serial comma
[info]lilian_cho
2007-12-12 05:38 pm UTC (link)
My new fav. example is on my user profile:

"Nelson Mandela, a 500-year-old demigod and a dildo collector."

*g*

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Re: serial comma
[info]fleurdeliser
2007-12-13 02:09 am UTC (link)
Ahahaha! Two cracktastic examples of why the serial comma is necessary.

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[info]jedi_amara
2007-12-14 06:08 am UTC (link)
British English has the ending punctuation outside "quotes", while American English has it "inside." Just a note. :)

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[info]gelsey
2007-12-14 06:12 am UTC (link)
Yeah, I know that one :D I just tend to edit American because I know the rules better.

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[info]fatomelette
2007-12-11 02:22 am UTC (link)
Aww...jealous!Albus is so adorable. #3 was just classic...Albus in a red dress and ribbons in his hair

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[info]lilian_cho
2007-12-11 02:29 am UTC (link)
Thank you! :-D

lol, kids just do the darndest things to get presents.

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[info]lilian_cho
2007-12-11 06:02 pm UTC (link)
BTW I cut down 102 words from the fic. Do you mind refreshing and reading it again? Please? :-3

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[info]fatomelette
2007-12-13 01:28 am UTC (link)
It sounds just as good...lol, I can't tell what you cut out. Hopefully that's because of your skillful cutting down and not my bad memory.

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[info]lilian_cho
2007-12-13 06:31 am UTC (link)
lol.

The brain's a funny thing. Even if there are gaps, your memory just fills in what's missing. So it might be you just _think_ that the details are still there, when it's not =P

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[info]monzz
2007-12-11 05:30 am UTC (link)
Oh, I love your Albus too! Despite being Harry's son, he appears to be far more scheming than he ever was. >_>

Thanks for continuing on the little trend of AS/S... will there be some more fic written about the pair? :)

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[info]lilian_cho
2007-12-11 05:35 am UTC (link)
BTW I just cut down 102 words from the fic. Do you mind refreshing and reading it again? X-D

I do want to write more AS/S, yes :-)

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[info]monzz
2007-12-11 06:28 am UTC (link)
I still like it, even condensed as it is. With all of this shortening, I think you secretly want to write a full length fic of the two...

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[info]lilian_cho
2007-12-11 06:45 am UTC (link)
Glad you still like it =D

lolz. Maybe I do, maybe I don't ;-)

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[info]shadesofsienna
2007-12-11 08:47 am UTC (link)
Asfgsdfgs, I love them both muchly. I can't pick between those two fics, they belong together.

<3

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[info]lilian_cho
2007-12-11 07:40 pm UTC (link)
<3

Glad you love them :-DDD

I went through the steps again, and clicked on "Remember Me." Hopefully now everything works as it should be.

Also! I can totally manage cherry-flavored Hershey's kisses.
lilian_cho [AT] yahoo [DOT] com.

Is school over for you?

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[info]shadesofsienna
2007-12-13 03:16 pm UTC (link)
Awesomesauce! Email will be sent asap.

Nope, I'm in the middle of my test week at the moment. Wednesday will be my last day, and then I finally have some time off!

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[info]shadesofsienna
2007-12-13 03:20 pm UTC (link)
Okay... I just tried to send an email, but it bounced back.

O.o

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Hufflepuff shirt
[info]lilian_cho
2007-12-15 05:42 pm UTC (link)
Just e-mailed you back =D

Are you interested in this T-shirt?
http://lilian-cho.livejournal.com/61623.html#cutid2

I've only worn it once or twice. As long as you're size M in Europe it'll fit you. (I'm size M in Europe and S in the U.S.)



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[info]psyko_kittie
2007-12-14 06:21 am UTC (link)
Awesome!! :)

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[info]lilian_cho
2007-12-14 06:33 am UTC (link)
Thanks! =D

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[info]unicornvamp3z
2007-12-14 04:33 pm UTC (link)
haha, Al's perspective is so cute!

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[info]lilian_cho
2007-12-14 06:25 pm UTC (link)
Thank you! =D

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[info]pikapika217
2007-12-19 10:32 pm UTC (link)
# 3? *dead*

But this was all sorts of awesome.

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[info]lilian_cho
2007-12-19 10:54 pm UTC (link)
Hee, thanks for commenting! X-D

Believe it or not, it was based on an rl shenanigan ;-)

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[info]kexiepixiedemon
2008-01-11 12:47 am UTC (link)
Why do all you people put a comma in front of 'AND'?! If you are using 'and' then generally the use of a comma is not needed because a comma is a substitute for 'and'!

Both fics were sweet.

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comma
[info]lilian_cho
2008-01-11 01:23 am UTC (link)
Comma usage is different from British English and American English. And in American English itself, comma usage is different whether you're adhering to the newspaper style (AP style) or the book style (Chicago Manual IIRC).

AP style states that a comma is unneccessary in most cases, except when it would be unclear to omit a comma. For example,
"Nelson Mandela, a 500-year-old demigod and a dildo collector."

So no, the use of "and" does not necessarily preclude the use of a comma. Especially in fiction, it often ends up being a stylistic choice for the writer.

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Re: comma
[info]kexiepixiedemon
2008-01-11 01:28 am UTC (link)
That explains it i suppose. I'm english so i hate american english lol.

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Re: comma
[info]lilian_cho
2008-01-11 01:38 am UTC (link)
Well a huge part of the HP fandom _is_ American. And not all of us bother to get a Britpicker (or they just couldn't find a Britpicker before they post the story).

Even British people don't necessarily agree about the Oxford comma/serial comma.


How did you find this fic, btw? *is curious*

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Re: comma
[info]kexiepixiedemon
2008-01-11 01:42 am UTC (link)
You know LJ has a search box at the top now? Well i typed something like 'draco/harry' in there and it came up with a whole list of communities, so i clicked on one and saw your summary. They really intriqued me so i decided to read them lol.

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Re: comma
[info]lilian_cho
2008-01-11 01:48 am UTC (link)
lol, Internet serendipity always amuses me *g*

Haven't been in the fandom long then?

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Re: comma
[info]kexiepixiedemon
2008-01-11 01:53 am UTC (link)
Omg! I have been for YEARS lol. But im not very observant lol, i only noticed the search box the other day. I'm sorry if i offended you about the comma thing, i had been revising and it made me a bit picky lol. I've been reading slash for years and visiting LJ, i'm just a bit ditzy at times lol.

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Re: comma
[info]lilian_cho
2008-01-11 02:29 am UTC (link)
lol, k =)

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Re: comma
[info]kexiepixiedemon
2008-01-11 02:24 am UTC (link)
I honestly wasn't moaning or criticising your writing! I think your writing is wonderful, i was actually moaning about the comma comments. I should have made that obvious and i am sorry for that. I didn't mean to knock you, i would never do that to a writer!

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Re: comma
[info]lilian_cho
2008-01-11 02:34 am UTC (link)
Okay ^^;;
Yeah, it is hard to get intention across via Internet. Emoticons can only do so much...

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[info]addicted2draco
2008-01-28 01:31 am UTC (link)
Haha i loved both of them and am recommending them both to my friends. Hilarious and well thought out. I loved it!!

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[info]lilian_cho
2008-01-28 05:51 am UTC (link)
Oh yay! Thanks! =D

I'm glad you like them enough to rec them <3

I'm currently writing Rose's story =)

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thanks much
(Anonymous)
2008-03-24 06:22 pm UTC (link)
omg.. good work, bro

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Re: thanks much
[info]lilian_cho
2008-03-25 06:06 am UTC (link)
Glad you enjoyed it =)

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[info]ayes_sid
2008-04-19 09:01 pm UTC (link)
This cracked me up big time^^ Go Al, go Al, go Al! They are both so cute and such typical boys.
Thanks again!

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[info]lilian_cho
2008-04-19 10:16 pm UTC (link)
Glad to amuse =D
Boys at 14, 15 are pretty fun *g*

Thanks for commenting!

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